Behind this Grafitti

Behind this Grafitti

Coming of age in the 21st century is all about apathy to miracles. Not that I'm losing my thoughts to apathy. Or angst - ridden subjects of loss. Failure. Pain. Self reproach. Silly moments. Washed in my signature haze of luminous tenderness. Of my uncanny skill of taking venom out of painful, somewhat emotional experiences...... leaving only the sweet exhaustion of having lived through it, and the compassionate promised of moving on. Far from it. It's just that the miraculous, being so routine, easily fades into the background. In this blog, I'm exposed. My strengths, my ideas, my personal space in life.

Monday, October 30, 2006

You know how we like to picture ourselves a couple of years from now? You have this perfect little image floating in your head. And whenever you think of it or remember it, it makes you smile this unconcious smile. Well, I've been like that these past few days and I occasionally find myself getting self-conscious (read: rudely interrupted) from people giving me this funny/odd look. Call it daydreaming. I call it REFUGE! Like everything is so messed up and this, this few inches inside my head, is my only escape. Think of it as being part of life through reflection but not actually participating in life per se. Like a third person perspective. It's like temporary detachment from sanity.

My point, you ask? Absolutely NOTHING. Because I once again realized in NOTHINGNESS there is someTHING. A depository of memories perhaps? Or a mind full of thoughts, ideas, and dreams? It's in that nothing that exists a sort of transition that helps us cope (I'm sounding sooo philosophical!). There's a state that is in between consciousness and unconsciousness. And in that in between, there's obtainable peace. There are perks of losing yourself in your thoughts. You should try it some time. You'll realize that you don't have to go too far to find even a bit of solitude.

posted by flyingschoolgal, 10/30/06 23:02 | link | comments (1)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

This is NOT the first time when I actually couldn't think of anything to write about to update my blog with. A milestone, considering, there was a time when I would blog three times in a day. Now, there's nothing. Nada. Zero.

When I stare at my un-updated blog, I feel a little guilty, like I'm neglecting it or something. So I'm blogging because of pity.

I’m such a contrary person that I never get to experience life’s milestones in “normal” forms – you know, those things that eventually end up commemorated in Kodak moments. Everything that has been “momentous” occasions for me occurred in haphazard, accidental, roundabout, or unexpected ways. I have a gazillion and one brilliant, meticulously-planned ideas, things that I dream about and execute, well, at least the first phases of which ideas thereabouts. But all the time, either I get sidelined, circumstances get out of control, things don’t go as planned, and I end up doing something that I never expected myself to be doing. Of course, as human beings, we all adapt. We have to. And I’ve proven myself better at adapting than most people.

posted by flyingschoolgal, 10/17/06 06:08 | link | comments (4)