start your own blog now!
 
Read other blogs...
Behind this Grafitti
Coming of age in the 21st century is all about apathy to miracles. Not that I'm losing my thoughts to apathy. Or angst - ridden subjects of loss. Failure. Pain. Self reproach. Silly moments. Washed in my signature haze of luminous tenderness. Of my uncanny skill of taking venom out of painful, somewhat emotional experiences...... leaving only the sweet exhaustion of having lived through it, and the compassionate promised of moving on. Far from it. It's just that the miraculous, being so routine, easily fades into the background. In this blog, I'm exposed. My strengths, my ideas, my personal space in life.

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Can You Ever Be Friends With Your Ex?

Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and pain for weeks, even months. It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times).

But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce: "It's not you, it's me. We'll still be friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex.


I've Created A Monster

Not only does it give the dumper the comfort of knowing they aren't monsters, but by wanting t! o remain friends, it also allows the dumper to feel that their former lover will still be in their life, and they won't have to miss having them around. So now the dumper can move on with their life with ease, and with the pleasure of having coffee with their former mate every so often -- but the ex whose heart was ripped out and chewed up by the person who keeps leaving them friendly messages and e-mail isn't a happy camper.

Obviously, these messages on the machine and coffee dates don't last long, and if they do, they end even worse than the breakup. Yes, being friends with an ex-lover is an impossible feat: find out why. Exes must stay that way.


You've Seen Each Other Naked

Although it may be possible to have casual sex with a friend, even this can damage a relationship. As hard as it is to accept, it's difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been most intimate with someone. You will alwa! ys have an image of that person naked, and memories of the trysts will always be triggered by the smell of her skin or perfume, or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to. And as thick-skinned as you are, it's hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each other's skin and sharing a moment of sheer ecstasy with one another. Why else can't exes become friends?


You Can't Confide In Each Other

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in one another other. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because a woman has just pleasured you like never before.

You can tell her these things, but new lovers and mates are always going to be a sensitive issue. It's even harder to tell her how hurt you were that your date stood you up the other night, thanks to your sense of pride.

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are -- but we'll never actually know how they really are.

Always One-Sided Bitterness

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be.


Jealousy Comes Into Play

And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when they've just found the new love of their life.


You Don't Want Them With Anyone Else

It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if we don't have feelings for them anymore. It almost becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.


Passion Still Exists

Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exists (unless lack of attraction was the reason for your breakup). This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new "friendship" premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you'll end up in "one more" night of unbridled "goodbye" sex, for old times sake. This brings you right  back to square one -- how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well.


Moving On

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene, and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share. But having that person still lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new people and turn a fresh page. It's almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene. It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.


In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible. So unless the two of you were the best of friends before; both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup; both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a total honesty policy, better to leave the friendship behind... along with the memories.









posted by flyingschoolgal, 02/25/04 06:01 | link | comments (14)

Monday, February 23, 2004

 

life sucks pure hell....i'm close to the pit. but i won't quit.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0000

i'm getting close to the career that i want... i'm leaving the good life. i'm going to miss this blog. and i'm going to miss the virtual friends that i've found.

you guys complete my day. yeah i don't post that much because they're mostly senseless, mushy stuff. i don't even know where you guys come from or what your careers are. all i know is that i'm enjoying reading your blogs..... your joys, sorrows, freaking moments, travails of what not....

soon.... i don't want to count the days.

i don't have any idea if i'm still going to read your blogs or if you're still going to write after i leave.

i hope so.

i'll surely miss this blog thingy. :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

posted by flyingschoolgal, 02/23/04 19:57 | link | comments (4)

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Is it okay to French kiss in a public place?

Duh. Do I need to ask that silly question? Hello, it's the modern era. A kiss is just a kiss.

Hmmmm... Probably, I'll tell you the latter answer eons ago when I was still living in my desparate world. High school and college days. There were three things that made me glad I'm alive: weekend rest, the sappy American programs like Beverly Hills 10210, The Melrose Place, Baywatch, Seinfeld and Sex and the City, and of course, the sight of a couple in love. During that time, when I walk the great and not so great halls and roads of a public place such as the mall and I'm confronted by grouchy people with their eyebrows meeting in the middle, it makes me want to jump from the fifth level. Seriously. After tons of hours spent on studying, don't you want to be free from people who look like they want to grind an axe into your skull? Personally before, I preferred seeing a sweet couple embracing and kissing than people spatting or acting like there's a huge cloud hanging over their heads. My Christian friends said that its cheap. What were cheap for me were ogling at women's legs and salivating at the sight of a stranger's cleavage. Sure, there's a time and place for everything but a couple's "expression of love" (I used to hate this phrase) should have no limits. I'm not saying that one should practically do it in a public place without any reservations. I'm simply saying that it's pretty liberating to be able to do what you want and not have other people on your ass harrumphing their displeasure.

But of course, realizing and understanding the context of the Bible and the influence of my newfound friends, it's not okay to do the deed of French Kissing.

Oh what's this, an ultimate 180 degrees turn? Uh huh. Now, I can honestly say that there's not a sight worse than excessive public display of affection. I know, I know, high up in that cerebral cortex of moi, you're going to mutter that I'm jealous because this girl who's not even good looking has a boyfriend while my significant other is a cell phone. But hey, I think I would like to be spared by the sight of a couple's tonsils or tongues. It's just plain icky. I think when a couple is in a public place, they become a part of the public citizenry and there are rules to this privilege such as not talking too loud, no hyena laughing, no gross slurping or belching sounds in fast foods, and certainly, no French kissing. It's cheap to flaunt your intimacies in public. I'm the sort of person who likes to sight see in a public place and just hang around and when I see a woman or a guy wrapped around with each other and like you need a wedge to extricate them, the picture is, pardon me, screwed up. As for French Kissing, maybe as long as I don't see someone doing it, fine with me. But I still think that one's body is a temple of God, we should at least take care of it. French Kissing leads to another thing, and another thing. One day, you'll realize that gosh, "I'm pregnant."

Oh la la. Pretty drastic view ha? What an imagination? Do tell me.

posted by flyingschoolgal, 02/18/04 22:01 | link | comments (12)

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Sleeping up very late made me love my bed even more…. When I hear my mom’s voice or my cell phone’s alarm clock, I automatically put it on a snooze. Nah. I can’t say later mom but I will beg for another 15 to 20 minutes to dream. Am I insomniac? Not really. It’s either I’m busy helping my brothers doing their projects or I’m searching the net for a possible job before I say “I do” to the military. Playing with Father Time is one of my forte but not this week. I just can’t jump out of the bed enthusiastically and drag myself to the office but instead, I always wanted to shut my eyes and sleep.  And because of my temporary affair with my brother’s art projects (which I love doing by the way), I always end up taking the cab just not to be late for my 7:00 work. Weird isn’t it? And guess what time it’ll end up? Believe it or not, work stops at 4:15 but not me. I always come home very late but that’s another story. Just call me a saint or a martyr by doing the rounds of work assignments without even applying for an overtime pay. Anyway, this week my budget was scrapped by almost a half already just because I’m taking a cab everyday. Who wouldn’t if you only have 15 minutes to go before the clock strikes 7? I know that it’s a problem. I wake up late so suffer the consequence right?

 

The thing is, if there is any means of transportation that would take me to my office other than the cab I’ll gladly take it. Why not? Well guys, I must have the longest running streak of bad luck ever to hit a person, and about the unlikeliest thing at that……….. cab or taxi drivers. It seems that almost every time I take a cab, something really weird if not downright stupid happens to me. On the bright side, this misfortune only ranks second to my luck with men. Is it perhaps God’s way of punishing me for not scrupulously adjusting my body clock when it comes to sleeping? Oh… sorry God, I’m not blaming you, I’m just you know, thinking. But come to think of it, is this some kind of perverse networking among taxi drivers, to trade information on which passengers give bigger tips, or which one can be taken for a ride (not the normal kind)?

 

I have met taxi drivers who had no second thoughts about disclosing their sexual disorders to me; some even rued they had been sexually harassed by their passengers. I’m not kidding here, promise. On another occasion, the driver urgently asked my permission to pull over for a while so he could pee. When we did park, it was by a row of sheltering trees, and under each was a cabbie, doing the same thing. The term “watering hole” suddenly had a new meaning for me.

 

Still another driver lectured me for a blistering 30 minutes on the proper way to dress for a job appointment. But he didn’t make it to my top favorites list. Here are two who did:

 

Blarney is my name!” This driver was some 25 year old thin and scrawny and vaguely resembling Vincent Daffalong although he wasn’t ugly enough to aspire a career in comedy.

 

The driver started a monologue on how he used to be a jeepney driver. Because of too much traffic and intense heat, he became excessively thin and had to switch to a different kind of vehicle.

 

Would you imagine that he had the nerve to ask for my name and my number? Excuse me?! Just because I was wearing a thorn jeans and a faded blouse that match with my old friendly snickers, I look like I‘m a girl from the province? And the next very nice thing happened. He spent the rest of the ride trying to convince me to go out with him for the following reasons: 1.) He had a taxi and could take me anywhere 2.) He is Bisaya, which meant that he was a very loyal, generous and giving boyfriend, and 3.) He is God-fearing.

 

Since I hadn’t felt so flattered, ever, I stuck it out for the rest of the trip to see how much blarney he could blow. He told me his life story. He was sixth of seven children (whose names all start with the letters R and H), he had journeyed to the city to make a better living. As proof of his courageous and loving nature, he lifted the back of his shirt to show me a knife scar from a fight with a rival over a former girlfriend. He capped off his offensive by offering me to take to Tagaytay, just the two of us in his taxi. “Huwag kang matakot sa akin, huwag kang matakot,” (Don’t be afraid of me, don’t be afraid) he cajoled. He actually expected me to be calm after seeing that two-inch knife scar?

 

I politely turned him down, prayed him the best of luck then scooted out of the cab.

 

Baguio City – all my friend and I had left was a twenty peso bill. Good luck to the both of us as we flagged down a cab. When my friend and I opened the door, we saw a folded 500 peso bill. We thought it was a fake because it looked a little thick. But hey, a miracle out of miracles, there were two pieces of the said 500 peso bill. It took us a while to decide……… finders, keepers, or give to the driver. We thought at first that it was a trap or that driver was a God in disguise…… or maybe a reward of greater value was at stake. In the end, we split the money between us.

 

Those were the two out this world experiences of mine. The rest of the drivers? What else are the favorite topics of our grassroots friends? Politics, religion, government and life’s travails of what not.

 

I do love taxi drivers. I learn many things from them. But sometimes, I hate them. When I wanted to be quiet for once and think seriously, they wanted to reach out and be friendly. Oh well, nothing’s wrong with that. Just don’t say bad words and tell weird stories and I’ll be fine.

posted by flyingschoolgal, 02/12/04 20:14 | link | comments (8)