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Behind this Grafitti
Coming of age in the 21st century is all about apathy to miracles. Not that I'm losing my thoughts to apathy. Or angst - ridden subjects of loss. Failure. Pain. Self reproach. Silly moments. Washed in my signature haze of luminous tenderness. Of my uncanny skill of taking venom out of painful, somewhat emotional experiences...... leaving only the sweet exhaustion of having lived through it, and the compassionate promised of moving on. Far from it. It's just that the miraculous, being so routine, easily fades into the background. In this blog, I'm exposed. My strengths, my ideas, my personal space in life.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

There are only three utterly serious quests in my life ( as of the moment ): the Search for the Ultimate Career ( almost there! ), the Search for the Ultimate Sensitive-Yet-Straight-With-Good-Grooming-Habits Man ( this may ultimately prove futile ), and the Search for the Ultimate Hairdresser.

Uh, by the way, I had another haircut yesterday. Just one of those spur of the moment decisions..... It's nothing grand. I opted to have it layered as usual.... I guess I'm not yet crazy to have it curled or permed for it seems that it's the rage this season. Mind you, I had wavy and freezy hair for 8 long years! Thank God to whoever invented the hair straigthening solution. Whew!

My love affairs with various hairdressers have resulted in bigger devastation than my more or less flings. When you call it quits to someone, all you end up with are eyebags and worthless souvenirs; when you and your hairdresser part ways, it maybe because he or she ( or a he that looks like a she ) snipped your tresses in Madonna's cut during the '80's last year.... and it hasn't fully grown out.

So, beware of sleek seducers who whisper gently in your ear that bangs are tres chic this month. Woe to those who believe that the spraynet is by far, the greatest thing ever invented. And definitely, steer clear of aspiring mane-manglers who learn techniques from a horrifying tv show where an overly shoulder padded host transforms the model's simple straight hair into a gothic masterpiece of teased brambles and bobby pins ala Pamela Anderson.

In the course of Searching for the Ultimate Hairdresser, I learned lots of stuff that should prove valuable to all women.

They have, for example, their own lingo, which I have yet to master. Here in Manila, when you say something like “I want my hair shoulder length,” this could translate to “I’m trying to enter the Philippine Military Academy. So as much as possible, never communicate words with your hairdresser. Bring a magazine, show your stylist the cut that you want. Anything you say could distort everything your stylist has seen in the magazine.

Zip your mouth. Not a word. Not even a burp.

Hairdressers have mastered the art of making you feel really shy after they finish with your hair (that’s what I observed) so much so that you don’t have the heart (or the guts) to say the Cobra look crawled away ten years ago.

Most hairdressers are like salesladies. When you ask what they think of your haircut, they will always say, “Yes it’s great, it’s pretty!” Yah right! Even when you look like you’re wearing a wig, they’re like a tape recorder humming that their cut is pretty. There are other stylists (usually the overpaid ones) who will nod and nod and nod to your specifications, then proceed to skin your head, or do everything you did not say.

The worst cutter I ever had was the same one I first went too when I was six years old. By the time I was twelve, teetering on the threshold of womanhood, my hairdresser still refused to cut my hair any other way than the apple cut. Yuck.

“You’re still so young!” she insisted, pinching my chubby cheeks and then looking me over. “You see, you still have baby fats!”.

I looked at her crossly and, with as much dignity as I could muster, said haughtily. “That’s not baby fat. Those are my breasts!”

Sadly, but with much relief on my part, we parted ways.

During my second year in high school, when my hair began to grow wavy and freezy from straight locks in which, I didn't have any idea why it turned that way, I’ve decided to have it cut short. I went to a nearby salon and entrusted my hair to a gum-cracking gay who promised he would sculpt and style my hair into a flattering cropped mop.

When I emerged from the salon, people stepped away from me. Even stray dogs growled at me. Upon reaching home, I asked my brother for his opinion.

“You look like Flor Contemplacion”. For those guys who doesn’t have any idea who Flor Contemplacion is, she was the domestic helper who was hanged in Singapore for killing two people according to Singaporean officials. End result, The Philippines and Singapore  nations were on a collision course. I do remember that Hazel and I with the rest of the students prayed the Holy Rosary and cried to the saints for an hour in our icky catholic school. That long huh? She was not save though.

Anyway, i stormed into the salon the next day, determined to raise hell, but when I faced my hairdresser, I was seized by an enormous wave of low self-esteem. I pointed to my head and stammered, "Wha-what will I do with this?" I'm that idiot.

The stylist blew a large bubble with his gum, popped it and chewed thoughtfully. "Don't worry, it will grow out," he assured me.

It took the better part of two years to grow the damn thing out. In all that time, I never wore orange, fearing that police car would stop me in the middle of the road one day and take me to the precinct.

Feeling wiser and definitely more mature after that harrowing phase of my life, I was determined to give only the best to my poor, tortured hair. Upon the recommendation of a friend, I tried a salon where the hairdressers were supposedly trianed in the latest techniques.

I told one of them that I wanted something that's in the middle. To put it more bluntly, it's in their hands and their scissors. I should have been aptly warned when she nodded mindlessly while I perused a magazine, but hey, I was bubbly with newfound optimism.

She gave me side burns.

Actually, more of side-kismes. I looked like a mutant for crying out loud! (Think of Wolverine of the X-Men Series) Which I did, -- cry out loud, that is --- when I got home and my brothers, my mother, father and best friend laughed at me. My dog just sort of guffawed in his doggy way. The good news was that, it took me only a month to grow that one out.

I suppose that hairdressers are a lot like boyfriends. They will occasionally lie to you, but they think it's for your own good. They will act like they're listening to you, but they're probably thinking about something more important to them, like their ingrown toenail or the schedule for the last full showing of the latest hit movie.

Now, I go to a very stable, very well known salon where the hairdressers are so overpaid they actually listen to you in non-hair lingo. And I am now sporting a casual, layered cut that goes well with any decade and any color. Sometimes though, I see my hairdresser's eyes glaze over once in a while when I tell her what I want to do with my hair, and I still feel shy after a not-so-nice-trim.

The search goes on. 

posted by flyingschoolgal, 01/25/04 09:30 | link | comments (27)

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Piss here.

There is something inherently oppressive about the female anatomy. Look at how we urinate?! Unbuckle the belt, pull the pants down / roll up the skirt, sit, and unleash a stream of angry water waiting to puncture your kidneys, and then, God forbid you forget tissue paper, wipe. Men have it easier. Unbuckle, pee and shake. In there and outta there in a flash ( Talk about such rituals: Men always finish in a third of the time women do, which, one supposes is where problems start. )

This brings to an unsolved mystery that Reese Witherspoon ought to devote a new movie to: WHY DO MALL BATHROOMS ALWAYS HAVE A CUBICLE OR TWO THAT'S OUT OF ORDER IN MANILA"? That is, if she wants to make a film in our infamous country. Is this some great conspiracy mall owners concoct over annual conventions where they plot to make consumers spend more?

Go berserk here.

Five ATM machines and you think you have a good shot at widrawing money to buy a shirt. Think again. Mall Mystery Number Two: WHY ARE ATMs always OFF-LINE? Payday Friday ( I'm going to get mine tomorrow ) and you're down to last two pesos. Half the ATM machines are offline, so you pick a line with the fewest people. Chances are, you'll wait eight minutes, two minutes for each person ahead of you,right? Wrong.

The four people in front of you are also widrawing for their officemates: three cards for each, and one of them gets eaten, resulting in another five minutes delay. Argggh!!! Finally, it's your turn. You punch and pin and widraw the 1,000 pesos you call "savings". Then the sign flashes on screen: Not enough cash. You take the receipt. The machine has already debited the amount. Thank you very much!

Check your sanity here.

It's called something like the law of inverse coincidence. Anything you need is always somewhere else. The car ahead of you got the last slot at the parking lot. And you had to park far ( like the next building ) for your destination.

You go to the shoe store, fit the pair you've been eyeing for eight months and ask for your size. Lady disappears into the stockroom. Sorry madam, not available. Oh, just broken sizes available, you ask. Actually, no, all sizes except yours. Right.

You decide to buy ice-cream to cool you off. Sure enough, your wallet is not in your bag. You go back to the fastfood, it's not there. You retrace your steps, you don't find it; but somebody holds up a dirty hankie and asks if it's yours.

Geez......

posted by flyingschoolgal, 01/18/04 15:44 | link | comments (17)

It's been a while since I've blog. I was really busy doing office stuff, sorting out things and just talking with HIM.

Yada yada.

I'm becoming more mature I guess. Learning things, accepting things and just thankful that I'm still bless. Would you believe that now, even a simple "problem" is a blessing to me? Everything has a reason and a purpose why we're in this or that situation. That was why when I saw my supervisor interviewed the "gal" that will get my position, I didn't feel that ouch-I-guess-I'm-going-to-have-a-heart attack-so-I-have-to-go-the-restroom-and-cry but instead, I smiled and ignored the stares of my officemates who wondered why. They all came to me that afternoon and asked, "Hey, don't tell me you're going to leave?". I've answered them, yes and no. I will be leaving because I'm not needed there anymore and it's also my choice because I'm not happy and I'm not because the memories of that company, both good and bad will be forever etched in my mind. I'm just praying that I'm going to find another job that will sustain me before I hit the military training this summer.

Yes guys, I'm going to be with the military again. Don't laugh Haze. I'll tell you the whole story come Friday.

Hmmmm...... As I'm writing this, I'm humming my current favorite song written by a local in our country. It's entitled "Time to Fly". I guess that song best describes me today. :)

TIME TO FLY

It's time to fly, away through that crimson sky

It's time to grow, from the child I used to know

I don't know exactly where I'm going

Yet I believe You when you say

Your eyes are on the sparrow

So I put my hope in You

For Your promises are true

Oh Lord lead me as I.....

Fly.....high, spread my wings and fly

Up above the sky

By Your Spirit I will soar, soar higher than before

From the valley below

And I never get tired, never grow weary

It's time to fly, away through that crimson sky

It's time to grow, from the child I used to know

All my feathers now have grown

gave me power to move on

For when I'm weak then You are strong

if I stunble and I fall

You will catch me when I call

You'll never leave me as I ..

Oh well, it's a great song but alas, I know you just can't appreciate it because you don't have any idea of it's melody.

posted by flyingschoolgal, 01/18/04 15:00 | link | comments (4)

Monday, January 12, 2004

my happiness is me, not you.

not only because you may be temporary,

but also because you want me to be what i am not.

i cannot be happy when i change

merely to satisfy your selfishness.

nor can i feel content when you criticise me for not

thinking your thoughts,

or for seeing like you do.

you call me a rebel.....

and yet each time i have rejected your beliefs

you have rebelled againts mine.

i do not try to mold your mind.

i know you are trying hard enough to be just you.

and i cannot allow you to tell me what to be ---

for i am concentrating on being me.

you said i was transparent

and easily forgotten.

but why then did you try to use my lifetime,

to prove to yourself who you are?

posted by flyingschoolgal, 01/12/04 16:34 | link | comments (9)