As I stare at the night sky in a cool place which is Tagaytay, I ponder whether I will roll out of the bed for tomorrow's drive to Manila or roll over an experience death by slumber inside the flytrap which is my friend's warm puffy bed. I do miss Manila's sights and sounds but I don't miss the "stuff" waiting for me in the office. Management dysfunction, with a liberal dusting of office politics, awkward oversights and really mean people.
Missing out on a brewed coffee and a hearty sandwhich induced food coma, I gorged instead on overpriced pasta. Incongrous, I know. Whatever.
A day before hitting Tagaytay, I spent my time with 4 of my very good friends (Khrisna, Jen, Mark and Angel).
My friendship with Jen and Khrisna was forged when we were still with the Buddies. We had our ups and downs, sure. What with my motormouth and impulsive one-liners and their bluntness complete with sarcasm combined together. Boom. End result: Best girlfriends in the world. Alas, we weren't with Sue, Joan, and Anne to complete the gang. 5 people who are addicted to coffee, videoke marathon, Havaianas, foodtrip etc.
With Mark and Angel, I must admit that I'm in my happiest state everytime that I'm with them. Actually, I'm more comfortable being with gay people who are proud to be one. Could it be because I grew up surrounded by gay brothers and gay friends? Hmmmm..Anyway, it makes me full because we're sharing each other's lives. I now agree to what Mark have said. People can only complete people. Friends are the best gifts. Thanks guys. You know that I feel okay everytime I see you there. You know for a fact that everytime that I'm at work, the alarms of distress, disintegration and even degradation of mind and body takes its toll. This implacably horrendous feeling of confusion and anxiety that I've mistaken for hunger and what felt like an alien sliding down through my stomach and ramming throught my thorax as a means to burst out of it.
What's going on with me? Simple. I'm dying everyday but I can't resign because I don't have any time to apply for a new job. Burn out from having happiness as one's alternate's life goal can be disregarded like a ho-hum case of sniffles; especially with status anxiety thrusting you through your days like an Energizer bunny running on the crack of aspiration, wolfing your food down and defeating speedily just so you can get back to work faster, brisk walking down the streets while overtaking slow walking barricades to get to meetings, drinking endless cups of coffee in the morning just to feel at optimum and hoping that the future will speed up so you can suck life out of life.
With Mark and Angel, I can be myself talking about everything under the sun with no pretentions, no hesitations, hiding nothing over a cup of coffee. Checking out every cute or hot guy that comes our way and thinking if he's gay or not while eating in a bar. Talking about life in college over booze and nicotine.
I'm just so sad that we have to part ways. Mark as a trainer to a different call center and Angel to a different company. I need to update my resume and say goodbye as well. After all, it's not the money why I've stayed this long. It's finding out people like them that makes each day bearable. Don't get me wrong, I have lots of friends at work but no one can beat the people who's with you everyday.
